My one real reason I went to the midnight show to see this movie...Sienna Miller. Throughout the entire movie, she looks fantastic, including a scene where they are surrounded by ice and snow and she still shows the goods. I can make fun how it doesn't make sense how one would not cover up in freezing temperatures...but I have much more to say.
Now I understand this film was made to be a typical loud, special effects driven popcorn flick and it's not supposed to be the next Schindler's List, but at the same time, if the story is weak and doesn't get much help from the actors or anything else for that matter...it's hard to be entertained.
This film does not do much for originality other than the title. G.I. Joe takes several ideas/concepts from some fun movies I have and maybe you have well enjoyed including: Iron Man, X-Men 2, Star Wars Episode 1, and yes, Zack & Miri Make a Porno. The ridiculous suits, a knockoff of Iron Man. Some of the evil characters in the film are being controlled to do evil things by this substance the main villain has created and distributed to them, remember in X-Men 2 when General Striker was giving his mutants that one liquid drop on the back of their necks to control them? Same concept. There is an underwater water base similar looking to the place where Jar-Jar Binks came from in Star Wars. And for those who are thinking, "How the fuck could this be similar to Zack & Miri Make a Porno"? I'm going to tell you, it's quite funny actually. In Zack & Miri, the apple guy, Justin Long, changes his voice and makes it this deep, distinguished voice which is hilarious. Especially when he is saying the most ridiculous things, including: "You better shut your mouth or I'm gonna fuck it." and "I will be your Sherpa up the mountain of gayness." Now when you watch this villain talk, wearing this mask, seems a little flamboyant and put this in your head, it's hilarious. And it doesn't help the cause of the film.
One of the major problems I have with movies like this is when the good guys have this amazing power or ability (in order to be a G.I. Joe you have to be the best of the best of the best of the best of the best etc etc) and a couple of bad guys break into their main base and get away? Not believable. I'm sorry, it's ridiculous that Sienna Miller can be running around WITHOUT any body armor or any protection from bullets and CANNOT get hit by ANY G.I. JOE and she is running around in plain sight. The good guys can kill the people all covered in crazy body armor, but not the ones who are most vulnerable. I understand it's to help keep the bigger characters of the story involved more, but it should be done differently.
The movie is about 2 hours, about halfway through I was writing on my facebook and twitter freaking out about how bad the movie was and how hot Sienna Miller is.
So my review of the movie: 1.5 Stars out of 5.
Would I recommend seeing this movie?: Absolutely not.
Would I see this movie again in theaters?: Nope, not a chance. Not even for free.
Would I buy this on Blu-ray?: With the special effects and this would be an ideal blu-ray purchase, I WOULD NOT BUY IT.
Would I buy this on DVD?: NOPE.
Would I rent it?: Not even on Netflix where I can get unlimited rentals a month.
Would I watch it on cable?: I wouldn't, but you can to get your own opinion.
Would I buy the movie poster?: Generally, I would only buy a movie poster if the movie is amazing and it has an awesome poster to go with it. BUT, in this case, I would buy one of Sienna Miller, since, I cannot keep stressing how good she looked in that movie. WOW.
Okay... fair assessment... but you have several things wrong here, starting with how terrible the movie was. As I always say when it comes to these movies, leave your brain at the door. You don't watch this stuff for the plot, acting or anything else behind the camera. For example: did you enjoy Transformers (especially the second), Van Helsing or Speed Racer? The most important factor here is the homage paid to original stories. Yes, they were all intended to be cash cows, but the truth is - these movies are all made for fun based on fun we had as kids, especially when the producer says "I love this stuff and want to do it again with cool special effects".
ReplyDeleteThis, like many other films before it, was done to be cool based on a fun child's toy from the 80s. Make believe, watch cool special effects and buy toys. It's that simple, and therefore absolutely glorious!